Raising a Little Awareness

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week!  We have all these awareness reminders for so many things, especially cancer.  You don't really hear that much about infertility, though.  I think it's because people who are aware of it either are experiencing it or have experienced it, and it is a very personal topic.  I'm sure the only reason why many of you know I've experienced infertility is because we announced we were planning to adopt a few months ago, and most people don't adopt at a young age unless they've gone through infertility.

Most people don't talk about their infertility.  Maybe it's because they are embarrassed?  Maybe it's because they tear up every time they think about it?  (I was a constant soggy mess for a few months straight.)  Maybe it's because a lot of people sort of recoil when they hear people talk about it because it makes them uncomfortable?  Maybe they're afraid of what people might think of them?  (I personally felt defective, and if I felt that way about myself, what would other people think of me?)  There are tons of reasons why it seems to be a "taboo" subject.

I won't tell you my story, because honestly, I don't want you to feel sorry for me.  I'm a very happy person right now!  I'm very grateful to have gone through infertility.  I'm a stronger person because of it, and I've learned so much!  I learned that I can do anything.  Really!  I can even give myself shots!  For those of you that know me well, you know that is a huge accomplishment.  You can do anything with the right motivation!  I learned compassion for others because we are all going through our own tough trials, whatever they may be.  I learned patience.  I learned tolerance.  I know for a fact that I won't take my children for granted.  There are so many blessings that have come to me from this trial.

Something I would like to teach you, is how to act around an infertile couple.  I know it's awkward for both parties when infertility comes up, so hopefully, this will give you a little guideline to follow so that nobody is offended.

-Never ask someone why they don't have kids.  That just creates an awkward situation for everyone, whether they're infertile or just waiting to start their family.

-If someone tells you about their infertility, just listen.  Show concern or support by saying things like, "that must be hard," or, "I can't imagine going through that," or, "I think of you often."  Sometimes people just need someone to talk to, and if you're the lucky one they choose, you should feel honored.

-Don't tell someone, "Oh, it's on the Lord's time."  We're aware of that.  What we're not entirely aware of is what action to take.  There are so many options to consider, and you really can't help with that decision.  Sorry.

-Don't tell someone, "Once you relax, you'll become pregnant."  There is no proof of that, and even if it were true, you can't simply relax when something is bothering you this much.
 
 -Never tell someone, "When you're pregnant, you'll understand," or "When you have kids, you'll understand."  Ugh!  I HATE this!!!  Honestly, in my experiences, I have been around tons more kids than many mothers who have said that to me, and it drives me nuts!  I know how kids act!  I understand that they aren't perfect.  You don't have to apologise to me when your kids act up.  I may not have had the 24/7 experience yet, but I am around kids . . . a lot!

-If someone tells you they're experiencing infertility, don't ask them what's wrong with them.  First of all, it's not really your business.  (Sorry for the bluntness, but it's true.)  Also, half the time, the infertility is unexplained, and we have no idea why.  It's the most frustrating thing, because the doctor is stumped just as much as we are, and there is no known reason why we shouldn't have kids.

-If in doubt, keep your mouth shut.  Silence is golden!  Still show support, but you don't have to have an answer for everything.

*If it is a close family member (like a sister or daughter) experiencing infertility, you may ask specific questions because you are a huge support to this person, and you need to know specifics to be of full support.  But if it's just someone you're friends with, let them be the one to talk and give out information he/she is comfortable with.

*Also, understand that what they're going through is very traumatic.  Every month they don't become pregnant is similar to having a miscarriage or a stillborn child.  Be there for them without judging them when they cry or lash out in sudden anger (I did that a lot.)

If you are experiencing or have experienced infertility, know that you are not alone, and you are much stronger than you think you are.  You're an inspiration to me and many people around you.  I hope you get your miracle(s) soon!

Happy Infertility Awareness Week!